You must acknowledge that you chose to act in a way that caused harm to others. If you’re participating in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or a similar 12-Step program, you’ve probably heard that making amends is an important part of your recovery journey. Making amends is explicitly listed in the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Emphasizing behavioral change
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Direct Amends
Continue deep belly breathing and try to picture the clean conscience that came about from your apology and amends. Bring to mind how much you, like everyone else, deserve to be freed when you have felt remorse, made an apology, stopped the bad behavior, and made amends. When you cannot forgive yourself because of something you did that harmed someone else, either by omission or commission, you have some work to do. Sometimes all living amends it takes is a sincere apology to make things right. Apologies are most effective if made in person, but if that is not possible, consider writing a letter or an email.
- When you’re looking to change both your behavior and your broken relationships, stop making excuses to fulfill your promises.
- Fear of confronting past actions can lead to avoiding making amends altogether.
- It is very important to recognize that the act of making amends is for you and not the other person.
- Begin with a sincere apology, being specific about the wrongs committed instead of making vague statements of guilt.
- This distinction helps us grow a healthier self-image, reliance upon our Higher Power, and promotes lasting recovery.
Fulfill your promises.
In cases involving abuse, whether emotional, physical, or sexual, reaching out to apologize can be harmful and counterproductive. We are committed to healing everyone who enters our doors from the inside out. No matter what stage our guests enter treatment, we strive to meet them right where they are. Explore the mental effects of alcohol, from immediate impact to long-term consequences, and protect your brain health. Explore the NCAA’s high rate gambling on college basketball and its impact on student-athletes and mental health. Discover why fewer teens are receiving substance use prevention messages and the impact on their futures.
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All types of amends are good, but living amends are some of the best kinds you can make! In the simplest terms, “amends” are defined as “compensation for loss or injury.” This means that you’re being asked to compensate the people you’ve hurt as a result of your addiction. Making amends isn’t the same as saying sorry to someone after you accidentally bump into them in a crowd.
- Even though this may be painful, you need to accept that you cannot control how others respond to this part of your recovery journey.
- Continued participation in therapy and support meetings is essential for managing the challenges that arise during the amends process.
- Living amends demonstrate personal growth and commitment to change in recovery.
- In Alcoholics Anonymous, making amends can be approached differently depending on the situation and those involved.
- I have a responsibility to parent him and speak out for his best interests.
Tips For Growing Up My 20 Years of Recovery
According to The Big Book, the purpose of amends is to admit, take accountability for and address the harm caused. This may involve apologizing and, when Sober living house necessary, making restitution to a person, or organization. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. The key to the practice of self-forgiveness is releasing self-attack—dealing too harshly with ourselves even if we have failed or hurt someone.
Learn About Mental Health
- So be sure to talk with your sponsor and/or support group about your plan in the event that you need support.
- Make a list of everyone you’ve made promises to that you didn’t fulfill, the people you’ve lied to, stolen from, or hurt in any way because of who you used to be, and apologize sincerely.
- To make direct amends, it is important we are willing to make amends to the person face-to-face, no matter what happens, and respond in love and tolerance to anything they say.
- They also have the opportunity to work on repairing their relationships with friends and family that may have been damaged because of their previous addiction struggles.
- This step is vital for personal growth and healing during the recovery process, as it encourages individuals to recognize the impact of their actions on others.
For instance, stand in their shoes and reflect on how they may have felt as a result of your actions. By confronting past mistakes, you begin to put the past behind and embrace a brighter, healthier future. Addiction takes over your life, stealing both your joy and your time, and making it impossible for you to give back to others and live a generous life. Instead, as you pursue a life in recovery, focus on being generous with your time and giving back to others. In this way, you can take the focus off of yourself and choose to live a life of greater meaning. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
